I dont really remember the beginning. It was all dark and gloomy. I existed as two parts that were whole, yet did not know themselves. They just did what nature and a few millennia of evolution had taught them. Breed the next generation of trees. The first thing that I knew was darkness. I felt all the life beside me. All my brothers and sisters. Every single life force around me throbbed with energy. The energy of the largest tree. I was destined not to bear sweet fruits edible for the masses, nor beautiful flowers that got more beautiful as they adorned the black cascades of the maiden. No, I was above all such small destinies. Even then, when I was nothing more than a mixture of few atoms bound together, I knew I was meant for more. I knew I was special. I was meant to be great. Greater than my fellows. Greater than the greatest. I was little but my dreams were so large I was sure the reason the cosmos kept expanding was simply to keep up with me. These dreams and the destiny I dreamed of kept me strong and I awaited the day I would be freed from the fruit. The fruit that kept me and numerous others like me nourished. It offered safety and care. But it was too small for me. I cried with joy when the bird ate my guardian and nourisher, who even at the end of its life gave us a better chance to succeed. For we needed the birds to carry us far. And in its final act of self sacrifice the fruit gave me a way to fulfill my destiny. The bird gave me hope and lift to leave my crib and journey far. I was yet to see light, but I knew I would soon have more than enough of the mighty Sun's nourishing rays. The banyan tree is different from your average Apple or orange in that we need the help of fellow banyans to thrive. A seed that hits the earth dies, more often than not. And the seed that falls on a fellow tree is nourished as a lovable parasite that grows along with its patron. As the bird soared so did my mind! Nature is a gentle mother. She tends to the greenery and colourful flowers and the sweet smelling fruits with Care and dedication. But she is also as cruel as the storm in uprooting unbowing trees and apparently letting seeds learn the truth the hard way. For as I felt my fellow seeds leaving the bird to settle on patron giants, so I felt myself hitting the solid earth. I felt myself slip through one of numerous cracks and lay deep in the cold hard earth. I was not to have the warmth and coddling of the great trees. Nature is terrible, but just. For it would not abandon me to misery if she thought I was incapable of greatness. For does not greatness come from facing defeat and not being defeated. I knew the path I had been shown was hard. But the earth is also a mother. She is God. And God gives all her children equally! She cares for me as much as for the orange seed nearby, though she gives him more water, probably as he needes more. God cares for me as she shows me defeat as I vie for the success for the defeat makes me more thirst, though the neem tree was gifted success for reasons well known to her. I see the Grass that steals my time to sprout just because he is is higher than me in the ground, and I watch him waste the generous rewards. All through these three years I vie and try to my hearts content for defeat surely exists only in my mind! I fail to grasp what nature and God are trying to teach me! I fight, for to give up would reflect badly upon the crop from where I have sprung! The progeny of great trees can't be denied for long. And to give up and shrivel like the tamarind seed burried above me is just not in my nature. Time is funny as it is independent of all and none are independent of it. Time waits for none and everyone falls prey to it. Time is so cruel that it corrodes the very earth and makes mountains and destroys them in its timeless whim. And time is my enemy. For my energy dwindles with every passing year. I see new seeds dropping close. More prepared than me to survive in this environment that becomes even more harsh. And with every passing day I feel my deficiencies growing. It has now been long since I should have given up. Yes, I feel it now. I understand what God has been trying to teach me. It was that I did not possess the will to survive. I was not great. I was not unique. I was insignificant. I did not work hard enough as I did not know how. I was being taught the greatest lesson time teaches. The lesson of defeat. I had mistaken each full stop for a comma and proceeded as an unhinged mad fool. More often than not, a full stop is what it is. And to delude myself otherwise was my fatal mistake. Today as I finally give up and shrivel, I release into the world my pride. I abandon hope, the cruel mirage, the drug of the insanely young. I give up all my dreams and embrace defeat for it offers solace albiet with deadly finality. As I shrivel down and my determination seeps out as tears, I have but one disappointment. That of having never seen light.
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